


I've Made a Huge Mistake

by Firefly_42



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Crack, Potty Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-08
Updated: 2017-10-08
Packaged: 2019-01-10 18:28:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12305094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Firefly_42/pseuds/Firefly_42
Summary: On his first day back at Hope's Peak Academy, Ouma Kokichi fully expected to get stuffed into a locker. He did not, however, expect to end up shoved in the locker of the boy who had investigated crimes in two continents, four countries, eight schools, five shrines, three churches, seven corporate offices, and his own bedroom sixty-nine times in his dreams.





	I've Made a Huge Mistake

**Author's Note:**

> Heavily inspired by 'um oh ah yes' by sleepynir, which does not seem to exist anymore. This is absolute nonsense.

On his first day back at Hope's Peak Academy, Ouma Kokichi fully expected to be stuffed into a locker. He'd deliberately consumed seven bottles of ramune in preparation, and was ready to release a yellow stream of petty revenge all over his tormentor's school supplies. Just when he thought his pathetically inadequate bladder would burst, the familiar 'ding dong bing bong' chimed throughout Hope's Peak. 

 

"Ahhhh..."

"TAKE THAT, BITCH!" he screamed. 

"Umm. Are you in my locker?" A voice like an otome game seiyuu asked from the other side of his moldy prison.

_Shit, whose locker is this? Why can't they just be normal bullies and throw me in their own locker?!_

"Umm. I got shoved in here," he squirmed to reach his phone. "Don't open it yet!"

He stretched his finger to hit the flashlight button and examined the contents of the locker. Third year calculus problem sets, Japanese lit summaries, E&M physics equation sheets, and a bunch of folders stamped 'CLASSIFIED'. All of which were now conveniently drenched in fresh urine. 

_Shit._

"I'm opening it," the lock twisted and clicked. The light that flooded into the locker may as well have been the final light before his sweet death. 

"Ouma-san?!"

Ouma willed himself not to perform seppuku on the spot. Actually, it would be easier to strangle himself with the gym clothes hanging behind him. Before him, with hazel eyes and Disney Princess lashes, was the boy who had investigated crimes in two continents, four countries, eight schools, five shrines, three churches, seven corporate offices, and his own bedroom sixty-nine times in his dreams. 

"Are you alright? Did you... pee in my locker?" Saihara covered his nose and mouth.

"It's your fault for leaving it open!"

"Umm.."

"... I'm sorry, I didn't realize it was yours." Ouma mentally cleared his schedule to make time to jump on a rocket with Momota. Surely Iruma could invent a catapult to launch him into the sun.

"Ah, it's alright," the Super High School Level Detective said with his usual cavity-inducing sweetness. "Whoever did this was really mean." 

All of the blood in Ouma's body rushed to his face with the force of a tsunami. Should he give Saihara a present, or jump straight to the Trip Tickets?

"Oh, hang on!" I'll get you some towels," Saihara rushed off on his long, slender legs that would look even more amazing wrapped around Ouma's waist. 

...

"Here," Saihara handed him a roll of paper towels, the useless kind that are more paper than towel.

"You have your phone, why didn't you just pee and then call a friend?"

"I wanted to see the look on his face," Ouma admitted. "Also, I don't really have any friends like that." 

Sure, he had his comrades from DICE, but he couldn't exactly pull them out of class and ask them to come all the way to his school. And surely this wasn't as embarrassing as the time he run straight into a glass window during a particularly rushed escape, or the time his older sister caught him masturbating to gay ice skating fanfiction.

"Ouma..." Saihara began.

"One time, I got stuck in a client's bathroom after taking a poop and they were out of toilet paper. I had to ask the grieving wife for more." 

Was Shumai trying to make him feel better? If so, it wasn't working. 

"Another time, I gave an entire court testimony with my zipper down. And just last week at a crime scene, I messaged a female coworker 'Hey, meet me in the bedroom' but I mistyped and it autocorrected to 'Sex, meet me in the bedroom'. And-"

"Heh."

"Oh, I'm sorry! You probably want some privacy now!"

"No, it's okay," Ouma shamefully collected the piss-soaked remains of Saihara's notes.

"Do you want my number?" Saihara held up his phone.

"Huh?!"

"Tomorrow after school, we'll get our revenge properly," he winked.


End file.
